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pawblue1 Wagging Tails
 

Black Paw DOG VS. CAT DIARIES

THE DOG'S DIARY

Happy Dog8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - Agility class! Truly my favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
9:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


DAY 983 OF MY CAPTIVITY..…

Cat Eating CactusMy captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I plan to once again vomit on the carpet tonight as they sleep. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The Bastards, may they rot!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the wonderful food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
something powerful called "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around the leader's feet as he was walking. I will try this again tomorrow, but will time my attempt to catch him at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and for some reason, seems to be more than willing to return. I can only assume that he is retarded. I am convinced that the bird is an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly, and believe that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now……..

Black Paw An Engineer's Guide to Cats


 

Black Paw Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, to try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

 

Black Paw To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

  1. They live here. You don't.
  2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
  3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
  4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
  5. We consider pet hair a "condiment".
 

Mascott

30% of people let their dogs lick their faces (and 21% let their dogs lick their plates).

Mascott

59% of pet owners say pets are good for their health and the health of their family and help them relax.

Mascott

40% of dog owners say that owning a dog motivates them to exercise on a regular basis.

Mascott
52% of pet parents are better at remembering their neighbor's pets names than human neighbors.

Mascott
31% of pet parents plan visits with others that have pets to give them a chance to socialize.

Mascott
You know you’re an animal lover when your pets are named in your will. In fact, an estimated 1 million dogs in the United States have been named the primary beneficiary in their owner's will.

Mascott

33% of married woman say their dogs are better listeners than their husbands.

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22% of pet parents feel closer to their pets than their spouses.

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83% of pet parents refer to themselves as their pet's mom or dad.

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33% of dog owners admit that they talk to their dogs on the phone or leave messages on an answering machine while away.

Mascott
Dogs' nose prints are as unique as a human's fingerprints and can be used to accurately identify them.

Mascott

Three-quarters of dog owners consider their dog like a child or family member.

Mascott 

46% of dog owners take their dogs to a dog park.

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31% of pet parents take days off work to stay home when their pets are sick.

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63% of pet owners say I love you at least daily to their pet.

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37% of pet parents carry a picture of their pets in their wallets.

Mascott

80% of pet parents brag about their pets to others.

Mascott

 

22% of pet parents watch tv shows they think they their pets enjoy.

Mascott

90% of pet owners would not consider dating someone who wasn't fond of their pet.

© 2010 House Sitter Security Service, Inc.
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